Chances Are You Never Even Cared At All.

I so fucking wish I could hate you.
You have no fucking idea, and for once I can say that and know that I'm completely right.
You make me think the craziest fucking thoughts, I feel like I'm losing myself because of you. I miss the girl that could do whatever the fuck she wanted. I miss the girl who didn't feel a goddamn thing. The girl who could flirt shamelessly at parties and not care who the fuck was watching. Now I'm constantly thinking What the fuck did I do wrong? Maybe if I looked like that chick he'd want me back. Maybe if I just stop eating for a few fucking months I could be like her, the one he has his arm around, the one he's charming. Maybe if I throw myself at oncoming traffic I'll get hit by a car and he'll realize how much I mean to him when I'm almost taken away permanently. What the fuck dude? When did I become so spineless? When the fuck did you get this much power over me? Oh yeah, it was all those fucking days of talking non-stop, all those fucking text messages that said I could trust you not to break me. Bull fucking shit.
I'm shattered.
Thanks.
You say we don't know each other but you're just like all the other fucking douche bags I've met.
I find it incredibly ironic that everyone's telling me I can do better but I wasn't even good enough for you. I wasn't good enough for Jon, or Greg, or Mark, or Sal, god knows I wasn't near good enough for Sal. I wasn't good enough for anyone in high school. It seems I'm only good enough for one night. Only good enough when you're wasted.
I fucking hate that you can make me feel like this.
I hope you're alone right now, even though I doubt you are.
I hope one day you realize how fucking lucky you were.
And I hope on that day I'm long gone.

But for now I'm stuck here waiting.
Stuck here fucking willing you to come back to me, with every cell in my body.
I really hope I find someone else. I really hope he's fucking amazing.
I really hope you're incredibly jealous of him.