Hello There Blog.

So.
1. I'm worried I'm becoming an alcoholic. It might be the meds I'm on but I drank seven cups of beer and feel absolutely sober, tired, but sober. It's kinda freaking me out.

2. I have a boyfriend for the first time in my life.
I'm freaking the fuck out.
All I've ever been taught through past experiences with guys is that I'm not good enough, that they can find something better. And when he does it will break me. I promise. I hope to God it doesn't but knowing me I will be completely and utterly heartbroken for months. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I know I'll act like I'm okay but I really wont be. Not for a long time anyway. I never let myself fall this hard for anyone, and that fact that I have is truly scaring the wits out of me.
I trust you too much for my own good.
But I think I'm okay with that.

3. (Edit.)
"I do miss you."
Are you fucking kidding me? You had your fucking chance. You waited entirely too long. You strung me along for weeks thinking we'd amount to something then dropped off the face of the planet and I'm supposed to just wait for you?
I. Don't. Chase. Boys.
You can suck my dick. I'm sorry and I said we could still be friends but seriously? I can't deal with all your fucking bullshit for nothing in return. You convinced me that we were better off just leaving things the way they were, not getting too serious too quickly, AND I FUCKING BELIEVED YOU. I told myself that you would be different with me, I told myself that you were different.
I find it hard to believe that I ever trusted you.
I find it hard to believe that I was ever that naive.
I find it hard to believe that I've let myself go on for so long thinking, no, knowing that anyone I get interested in will eventually find someone better.
I'm worth way more than that.
I'm finally starting to find out that I actually deserve a nice, stable man in my life.
I'm a fucking catch and you realized it too late.
Sucks for you.
Start a fucking support group.
There are at least a handful of guys that would join.
All of them realized it too late.
Envy Luke with all of your being because he is actually worth my time and for once I trust someone enough to not care about the tragic inevitable end to it all. For once I actually feel like I'm worth something more than just a hook up, a one night stand.
Worth more than just sex.

Thank you all for teaching me that I actually deserve a truly good man.

4. I really can't wait for this weekend. I love being in a new place, where I know no one. I like pretending I'm someone else. Someone interesting. Someone important.

5. I suppose that's it for now. Mini-update in the life of Jamie. We need Melinda to get one of these, I think she'd like it and have things to say. :] I want her to find her voice, her view of the world and I want to have a glimpse in to that beautiful little head of hers.